So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
