bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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