I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this boner is exhausting
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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