sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
