the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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