I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bring money and cleavage
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
