This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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