We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
