Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and she was petting her beer can
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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