how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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