We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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