I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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