Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
