i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
