please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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