What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
