I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
