Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
