Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
