The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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