I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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