weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
