yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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