There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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