he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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