found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
