Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
