I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
