dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
