How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize