I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
