i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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