I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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