I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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