my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You can't special order awesome
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
