im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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