this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
