Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
