Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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