The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
