if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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