Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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