i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
