whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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