I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
