you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
