Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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