you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
