i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
