Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
