just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
