Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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