I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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