I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
