I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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