No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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