It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
