i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
