I hate your face
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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