Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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