she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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