4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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