he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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