I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have demons in me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i drank out of a bidet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
