So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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