I look better un-naked...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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