I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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