She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize