why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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