I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
