What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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