is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
