i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
