Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
