im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
