I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
