Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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